Rosary Reflection: Agony in the Garden

Alone.

This is how I feel.  In a family of 13 I feel alone, because I feel like I’m on my walk of faith alone.  I think it’s a common enough problem and it’s called “teenagers.”

I feel disconnected from family, from friends and even from my husband.  Yet I find my prayer life increasing and the joy of that filling my being.  I’m pretty sure that God wants me to know that He is all I need, that He is sufficient.  I would say that I’ve always known that, but now I get to experience it.

Funny thing is that nobody is avoiding me because I’ve done anything horrible.  I try very hard to live a holy and upright life.  And when I don’t, I apologize and work hard to change because I am a people pleaser.  It hurts me when I think that someone doesn’t like me or wants to avoid me.  It really doesn’t make sense, and that’s how I know it is God’s hand at work.

Patience will reveal the plan.  Patience will bring forth the fruit.  Patience bears all things.

This feeling of aloneness helps me to appreciate Jesus’ agony in the garden when He knew He would go through terrible things alone.  That was probably the biggest struggle, knowing He would be deserted by His people and His disciples.  So I will agonize, but I will do God’s will.

Not my will, but Yours be done.

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